Really, you're not that important

You know what? Your e-mail isn't actually that important.

You're a conference secretary-general of a Model UN conference. Get over yourself.

Lateness

Waiting for that post right at 12:00 PM?

Sorry, it's a minute late.

Why?

Because quite frankly, I can't be bothered by your demands, you bitches.

Weekend, weekend, weekend!

No safety dance for you

One time I went out, there were some hot bitches who were getting down with their bad, white selves. It was pretty awesome because they were wearing the hottest dresses from Strawberry and Conway. Guys looking at them were thinking "DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNN, I gotta get in dat bitch."

These same guys were also finishing off their 10th beer, so anyone would really have a chance.

The night definitely got better when the hottest of the hunnies when out on the dance floor and proceeded to hop around and do a pseudo-funky chicken with a bit of "wave your hands in the air".

Naturally, being the kind-hearted and non-judgmental person that I am, I proceeded to mock the chick. And make slightly witty remarks to the people I was with. (Only slightly because they were on their 8th beer.)

Later on the evening, it turns out that the hottest hunny was impressed with my dancing skills.

*sigh*

Why, yes, it's okay for you to meow at 4AM

My apartment doesn't have mice. I think it's due to the large stray cat population. That's something positive.

The extreme downside is that there will be cats screaming in the night.

One of these days, I'll punch one. Or I'll find some string and make them chase it onto the subway track. Yeah, that sounds like the best idea.

Note to my one reader: I know you look at my blog solely for my pictures. I'm sorry this cat kinda sucks.

Additional note to my one reader: Okay, you look at my blog for the pictures and you're always curious if I'm going to write about you. I probably won't...yet...just you watch yourself

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

hmm...my drawing kinda looks like a bird.

Anyways, I think I could take on Khan.

He does have bigger boobs than me...his breast would absorb the shock.

There's only so much of not working I can take!

Last Thursday, our servers was affected by some crazy virus. I was one of the very few people who managed to get internet access for five minutes. (So naturally, I wasted those five minutes by jumping on facebook and twitter. I have priorities.)

Friday, we ended up having computer access, but it was sluggish.

Monday, the servers were ridiculously slow, my inbox was receiving spam ever three minutes, and twitter was still blocked.

Tuesday, I'm probably going to punch the server right in the nuts.

Hey, did you get some sun this weekend?

"Hey, did you get some sun this weekend? Your face looks burnt."

"Yes. Yes, I did get some sun this weekend."

"Oh man, it looks bad! Why didn't you put on any sunscreen?"

"I did. I still got burnt."

"You're going to get skin cancer if you keep doing that."

"You're going to get punched in the face, you self-righteous bitch."

Happy Monday, everyone!

On a related note, Long Beach, NY is pretty nice. While I'm still not necessarily a fan of the $10 fee to get onto the sand, I definitely loved doing absolutely nothing in the sun.

B is for fail!

Dear Blogger,

Way to fuck up. Seriously.

Sincerely,

Someone who is going to punch you. Punch you in the face.

I usually write my posts on the weekend and then schedule them to appear at noon on the various days. I put a lot of trust into blogger and google because, well, that's what my money says I should trust.

Google = God-like qualities

Anyway, I happen to check my google analytics and realize two major disappointments:

1) I fail at inputing the google analytics code. That, or people don't look at this website. If so, fuck you.

2) Blogger failed to post the entry I wanted to show on Monday.

MASSIVE BLOGGER FAIL!

Seriously! WTF?

To quote a classic afterwork/happy hour scene:

"Google, you are the only thing in my life that is working and you broke it! You broke it!"

As a reminder, I never write about people specifically ;)

Meet me on the other side

Dear David Gray,

This song is so depressing. I feel like I need to punch you in the face so I don't depress myself while listening to this song.

Your song is absolutely fantastic, btw.

==============

Why do I keep listening to this song on the most depressing mix I own?

*sigh*

Honey now if Im honest
I still dont know what love is

non-profits

Inefficient. Under resourced. Under staffed. Full of overly passionate people convinced they're making a difference.

Oh, sorry, I'm listing the reasons why I have a headache again. Sorry, I'm listing the reasons why I am perpetually angry and why I actually started ThingsIWantoToPunch.Blogspot.Com

The truth of things is that I actually really support non-profits. The work done by many of these organizations and charities are fantastic. Non-profits provide services where the business sector and government fail to step in. Honestly, if you're looking for a way to feel good about yourself, I highly recommend volunteering for one.

Hahaha, you losers fell for that.

Non-profits are perpetually punched in the face. And the worst part is that they keep getting up for more.

Hey, on the upside, at least non-profits aren't douchebags like bankers.

I have a quick computer question for you...

I grew up using computers such as Speak and Spell and NES*. This gave me a fabulous vocabulary of the 100 most common words in the English language and the desire to jump on turtle shells multiple times to get an extra life. Naturally, I expect everyone to have this background.

Alas, this is not the case.

If you can do the following, then you have not pissed me off:

1) Catch a bat mid-flight. Because, you know, I'm not messing with any crazy cat.

2) Copy and paste

3) Resize an image properly. (On a related note, I'd like photoshop on computer, please. I've requested it for over a year now and I'm still manipulating things on MS Paint...)

4) Successfully adjust the margins on a section of a microsoft word document unless it's microsoft 2007. That piece of crap word processor can go suck Mr. Met's ball.

5) Know how to install a printer from a network

Guilty of those things? I hope a cat destroys you before I punch you in the ovaries.

I think the worst situation came one day when I was volunteered to help someone build a website. (In real life, I'm quite a push over, so I probably felt bad and decided to help out.) Rather than answer basic questions, I almost ended up having to explain how linking to another page works and how the internet works in general. After that wonderful teaching experience, I ended up writing to the actual web managers and politely told them if they didn't come into the office to help people with the website, I was going to punch them in the face.

*Speaking of NES and all things that are quality, I owe this shirt. It's bad ass. I realize some of you are thinking, "Hey! That's a hipster ironic t-shirt!" If you're thinking that, I think you should die.

It's getting hot in herre...because I'm too poor to buy a AC

I would like a pay raise.

No, not for the typical reasons like "I've worked hard for the past two years" or "I spent far too much on lapdances and now the chick with huge boobs has my money."

My fan is ridiculously hot during the summer. So hot that I try to cook foods that will not overheat my apartment. (Okay, that's a blatent lie, I order from the thai restaurant nearby.)

I realize that an airconditioner unit costs only $100 at the local hardware store, but that place is kinda sketch. I'd rather by a legit AC that didn't come from a back of an stolen truck.

So, yes, just a simple raise in paycheck would be nice. That's all I want.

Fail Whale for IT

You know what's worse than the Fail Whale? Not even getting the Fail Whale screen.

Last Thursday, a miracle happened and twitter.com was unblocked at work. Rather than eliminate key items on my to-do list, I decided to create a twitter account for our educational program. I thought to myself, "Hey! The big guy upstairs must be listening to me! Clearly, he is saying that social media is the way of the future. Thus, I must partake."

Okay, that's a lie, I tweeted how I had access at work and that I planned to jerk around for the rest of the day before the three day weekend.

I come to the office this morning and log into twitter and receive the "Twitter session failed" message. So naturally, I start cursing servers, symantec, and any other technology vocabulary words that begin with the letter "S".

So, screw you, IT. And for the record, it's just not the IT in my office that I loathe. It's all IT people who overstep their boundaries and block every website out there that I like.

I'd punch you in the face, but this flash game is pretty awesome. http://www.diefailwhale.com/ Oh, I better play it only at home because I bet you adobe flash will be blocked tomorrow.

Jack ass.

Bankers

There are two things that will upset me if I am at a bar: 1) Hipster and 2) Bankers.

I loathe bankers. I avoid certain bars in midtown east solely because the ratio bankers exceeds my ability to not actually punch them in the face.

Typical bar hopping scene after a work day:

"Damn, I need a drink because I just worked a full day."

"Yes, we work in non-profit. Clearly, we must drink away our passion and sadness."

"Let's go to this bar that sounds awesome!"

"WTF? Why are there so many bankers here? I'm going to Muldoon's."

This has nothing to do with government bailout, Madoff, or the fact that I know a banker very well. I just don't enjoy hanging around tools.

Working on day before the holiday

It'ssss FRIDAY! WOOOOHOOO!

It'd suck if I had to work the Friday before Independence Day. Thankfully, one of the things my work is able to pull off is not working.

I hope you're not stuck in the office--unless you work for an emergency room, cuz you know, people will blow up their hands or something on July 4th. It's the American way!

The current forecast for New York is SUCK

For the record, Manhattan actually gets more inches of rain than Seattle. It's probably caused by the Mets.

Anyways, can someone explain to me why Seattle is going on this streak of sunshine? Can someone explain to me why New York weather is full of suck?

I had this grandiose plan of going to the beach every weekend and getting tan. I thought to myself that at the beginning of the summer, I would go and by some skimpy yet tasteful bikini with ruffles. But no. I'm still wearing pants on work days. AND I HATE PANTS!

A small part of me thinks the bad weather is a part of my parent's plans to make me return home to Seattle. Darn you tricky Filipinos! I won't succumb to your trickery.

Owners of little dogs

Just because your dog is "cute", it does not mean you have a free pass to bring it everywhere. I don't really want to see your dog at the office. I don't really want to see your dog in the bathroom. I don't really want to see your dog in the restaurant - unless I decide to go super ghetto and bbq me some dog...

I was convinced that someone trained their little dog to bark aggressively at me. I think I pissed them off by being more attractive than them. They should consider spending their money on their face instead of stupid little dog accessories.

After I roll over your stupid dog, I'm going to punch you in the face.