While She Was Out - movies not worth watching, even if it's only $5 at Rite Aid

This is the most irritating movie I have seen in a long time. Irritating. It's like a Lifetime movie, except instead of lovable Sally Fields, you get irritating Kim Basinger with a toolbox.

Main points from the movie:

1) Life is hard being a white woman. So very hard.

2) Bad dudes travel in racially diverse groups led by the white guy. It's also his fault if anything goes down.

2a. Naturally, if anything is happening, the racially diverse group must start speaking in their homeland's language when something dramatic happens.

3) If you're being chased by a group of bad dudes, carry around a tool box. You can do some nasty things with a screwdriver, socket wrench, and a flare. Nasty like "HELL YES, 1UP" not "dress up as a cheetah".

Ryan

It's his birthday. So naturally, I want to punch him.

Here's hoping that I don't punch Ryan in the face.

not having money

I have nothing against Geico. I just really wanted to draw this happy little money dude.

Really, this is just a rant against New York. I wish New York wasn't so ridiculously expensive.

I type in "you" and it gives me "poo"

For the record, I haven't been updating for two reasons:

1) Pure laziness.

2) I'm moving onto a new job. That's right, that means I can make more posts about my former job. And this whole time, I was saving my bitterness for twitter...awww

Anyway, I jacked this phone from the lost and found. It's nice and shiny. It also has better reception that my old phone. I've even forgiven the fact that it's not red. *gasp*

What I do hate is that it's T9 predictive text is out of control.

During an important communications event, I was using my phone to contribute to the important online discussion (read: I got to tweet in the mornings and people listed to me. Weird). Too bad everytime I wanted to type something relatively intelligent, my phone thought I wanted to say something horribly offensive.

For example, I wanted to write - "Wow, he made an excellent point about funding"

instead, my phone thought I wanted to say - "I hate you and everything you stand for."

I mean, yeah, I was thinking that, but I don't need my phone to actually say what I was thinking.

uhh...not it [News]

Sam the Koala loses long fight for life

From: The Daily Telegraph
August 06, 2009 3:00PM

BATTERED and thirsty but unbowed, Sam the Koala became a symbol of hope among the ashes of last summer's devastating bushfires. Now her struggle is over.

Article here


That actually makes me a little sad =( Poor koala. Everyone needs to go punch a cyst in vengeance for Sam.

NJ Transit - The Way to Go...to hell

Trains are still a relatively foreign concept for me. Growing up on the west coast meant that everyone had a car and that poor people took the bus - unless you live in Seattle, then it means that you're also trying to be green. Ban Ki-Moon thanks you.

I recently took a trip to the great land of Central Jersey. Rather than taking the bus, I decided to go cheap and take the nice fast train.

Too bad the train goes like 25 miles per hour and is filled with my favorite kind of East Coast people. They also have that funny train junction that I can't pronounce correctly. It's probably because I'm asian.

This space is not your space

First of all, apologies for the lack of timely updates. I was complaining to actual people instead of this passive-aggressive crap. That, and I had another experience with tequila.

I work in a cubicle. I am also the only person in the office who is still in a cubicle, excluding the interns and receptionist. On my floor alone, there are FIVE empty offices.

Cubicle space does not equate to free space. Use your own stapler or computer. You all have that. If you don't, go through one of the EMPTY FIVE OFFICES.

Really, you're not that important

You know what? Your e-mail isn't actually that important.

You're a conference secretary-general of a Model UN conference. Get over yourself.

Lateness

Waiting for that post right at 12:00 PM?

Sorry, it's a minute late.

Why?

Because quite frankly, I can't be bothered by your demands, you bitches.

Weekend, weekend, weekend!

No safety dance for you

One time I went out, there were some hot bitches who were getting down with their bad, white selves. It was pretty awesome because they were wearing the hottest dresses from Strawberry and Conway. Guys looking at them were thinking "DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMNNN, I gotta get in dat bitch."

These same guys were also finishing off their 10th beer, so anyone would really have a chance.

The night definitely got better when the hottest of the hunnies when out on the dance floor and proceeded to hop around and do a pseudo-funky chicken with a bit of "wave your hands in the air".

Naturally, being the kind-hearted and non-judgmental person that I am, I proceeded to mock the chick. And make slightly witty remarks to the people I was with. (Only slightly because they were on their 8th beer.)

Later on the evening, it turns out that the hottest hunny was impressed with my dancing skills.

*sigh*

Why, yes, it's okay for you to meow at 4AM

My apartment doesn't have mice. I think it's due to the large stray cat population. That's something positive.

The extreme downside is that there will be cats screaming in the night.

One of these days, I'll punch one. Or I'll find some string and make them chase it onto the subway track. Yeah, that sounds like the best idea.

Note to my one reader: I know you look at my blog solely for my pictures. I'm sorry this cat kinda sucks.

Additional note to my one reader: Okay, you look at my blog for the pictures and you're always curious if I'm going to write about you. I probably won't...yet...just you watch yourself

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

hmm...my drawing kinda looks like a bird.

Anyways, I think I could take on Khan.

He does have bigger boobs than me...his breast would absorb the shock.

There's only so much of not working I can take!

Last Thursday, our servers was affected by some crazy virus. I was one of the very few people who managed to get internet access for five minutes. (So naturally, I wasted those five minutes by jumping on facebook and twitter. I have priorities.)

Friday, we ended up having computer access, but it was sluggish.

Monday, the servers were ridiculously slow, my inbox was receiving spam ever three minutes, and twitter was still blocked.

Tuesday, I'm probably going to punch the server right in the nuts.

Hey, did you get some sun this weekend?

"Hey, did you get some sun this weekend? Your face looks burnt."

"Yes. Yes, I did get some sun this weekend."

"Oh man, it looks bad! Why didn't you put on any sunscreen?"

"I did. I still got burnt."

"You're going to get skin cancer if you keep doing that."

"You're going to get punched in the face, you self-righteous bitch."

Happy Monday, everyone!

On a related note, Long Beach, NY is pretty nice. While I'm still not necessarily a fan of the $10 fee to get onto the sand, I definitely loved doing absolutely nothing in the sun.

B is for fail!

Dear Blogger,

Way to fuck up. Seriously.

Sincerely,

Someone who is going to punch you. Punch you in the face.

I usually write my posts on the weekend and then schedule them to appear at noon on the various days. I put a lot of trust into blogger and google because, well, that's what my money says I should trust.

Google = God-like qualities

Anyway, I happen to check my google analytics and realize two major disappointments:

1) I fail at inputing the google analytics code. That, or people don't look at this website. If so, fuck you.

2) Blogger failed to post the entry I wanted to show on Monday.

MASSIVE BLOGGER FAIL!

Seriously! WTF?

To quote a classic afterwork/happy hour scene:

"Google, you are the only thing in my life that is working and you broke it! You broke it!"

As a reminder, I never write about people specifically ;)

Meet me on the other side

Dear David Gray,

This song is so depressing. I feel like I need to punch you in the face so I don't depress myself while listening to this song.

Your song is absolutely fantastic, btw.

==============

Why do I keep listening to this song on the most depressing mix I own?

*sigh*

Honey now if Im honest
I still dont know what love is

non-profits

Inefficient. Under resourced. Under staffed. Full of overly passionate people convinced they're making a difference.

Oh, sorry, I'm listing the reasons why I have a headache again. Sorry, I'm listing the reasons why I am perpetually angry and why I actually started ThingsIWantoToPunch.Blogspot.Com

The truth of things is that I actually really support non-profits. The work done by many of these organizations and charities are fantastic. Non-profits provide services where the business sector and government fail to step in. Honestly, if you're looking for a way to feel good about yourself, I highly recommend volunteering for one.

Hahaha, you losers fell for that.

Non-profits are perpetually punched in the face. And the worst part is that they keep getting up for more.

Hey, on the upside, at least non-profits aren't douchebags like bankers.

I have a quick computer question for you...

I grew up using computers such as Speak and Spell and NES*. This gave me a fabulous vocabulary of the 100 most common words in the English language and the desire to jump on turtle shells multiple times to get an extra life. Naturally, I expect everyone to have this background.

Alas, this is not the case.

If you can do the following, then you have not pissed me off:

1) Catch a bat mid-flight. Because, you know, I'm not messing with any crazy cat.

2) Copy and paste

3) Resize an image properly. (On a related note, I'd like photoshop on computer, please. I've requested it for over a year now and I'm still manipulating things on MS Paint...)

4) Successfully adjust the margins on a section of a microsoft word document unless it's microsoft 2007. That piece of crap word processor can go suck Mr. Met's ball.

5) Know how to install a printer from a network

Guilty of those things? I hope a cat destroys you before I punch you in the ovaries.

I think the worst situation came one day when I was volunteered to help someone build a website. (In real life, I'm quite a push over, so I probably felt bad and decided to help out.) Rather than answer basic questions, I almost ended up having to explain how linking to another page works and how the internet works in general. After that wonderful teaching experience, I ended up writing to the actual web managers and politely told them if they didn't come into the office to help people with the website, I was going to punch them in the face.

*Speaking of NES and all things that are quality, I owe this shirt. It's bad ass. I realize some of you are thinking, "Hey! That's a hipster ironic t-shirt!" If you're thinking that, I think you should die.

It's getting hot in herre...because I'm too poor to buy a AC

I would like a pay raise.

No, not for the typical reasons like "I've worked hard for the past two years" or "I spent far too much on lapdances and now the chick with huge boobs has my money."

My fan is ridiculously hot during the summer. So hot that I try to cook foods that will not overheat my apartment. (Okay, that's a blatent lie, I order from the thai restaurant nearby.)

I realize that an airconditioner unit costs only $100 at the local hardware store, but that place is kinda sketch. I'd rather by a legit AC that didn't come from a back of an stolen truck.

So, yes, just a simple raise in paycheck would be nice. That's all I want.

Fail Whale for IT

You know what's worse than the Fail Whale? Not even getting the Fail Whale screen.

Last Thursday, a miracle happened and twitter.com was unblocked at work. Rather than eliminate key items on my to-do list, I decided to create a twitter account for our educational program. I thought to myself, "Hey! The big guy upstairs must be listening to me! Clearly, he is saying that social media is the way of the future. Thus, I must partake."

Okay, that's a lie, I tweeted how I had access at work and that I planned to jerk around for the rest of the day before the three day weekend.

I come to the office this morning and log into twitter and receive the "Twitter session failed" message. So naturally, I start cursing servers, symantec, and any other technology vocabulary words that begin with the letter "S".

So, screw you, IT. And for the record, it's just not the IT in my office that I loathe. It's all IT people who overstep their boundaries and block every website out there that I like.

I'd punch you in the face, but this flash game is pretty awesome. http://www.diefailwhale.com/ Oh, I better play it only at home because I bet you adobe flash will be blocked tomorrow.

Jack ass.

Bankers

There are two things that will upset me if I am at a bar: 1) Hipster and 2) Bankers.

I loathe bankers. I avoid certain bars in midtown east solely because the ratio bankers exceeds my ability to not actually punch them in the face.

Typical bar hopping scene after a work day:

"Damn, I need a drink because I just worked a full day."

"Yes, we work in non-profit. Clearly, we must drink away our passion and sadness."

"Let's go to this bar that sounds awesome!"

"WTF? Why are there so many bankers here? I'm going to Muldoon's."

This has nothing to do with government bailout, Madoff, or the fact that I know a banker very well. I just don't enjoy hanging around tools.

Working on day before the holiday

It'ssss FRIDAY! WOOOOHOOO!

It'd suck if I had to work the Friday before Independence Day. Thankfully, one of the things my work is able to pull off is not working.

I hope you're not stuck in the office--unless you work for an emergency room, cuz you know, people will blow up their hands or something on July 4th. It's the American way!

The current forecast for New York is SUCK

For the record, Manhattan actually gets more inches of rain than Seattle. It's probably caused by the Mets.

Anyways, can someone explain to me why Seattle is going on this streak of sunshine? Can someone explain to me why New York weather is full of suck?

I had this grandiose plan of going to the beach every weekend and getting tan. I thought to myself that at the beginning of the summer, I would go and by some skimpy yet tasteful bikini with ruffles. But no. I'm still wearing pants on work days. AND I HATE PANTS!

A small part of me thinks the bad weather is a part of my parent's plans to make me return home to Seattle. Darn you tricky Filipinos! I won't succumb to your trickery.

Owners of little dogs

Just because your dog is "cute", it does not mean you have a free pass to bring it everywhere. I don't really want to see your dog at the office. I don't really want to see your dog in the bathroom. I don't really want to see your dog in the restaurant - unless I decide to go super ghetto and bbq me some dog...

I was convinced that someone trained their little dog to bark aggressively at me. I think I pissed them off by being more attractive than them. They should consider spending their money on their face instead of stupid little dog accessories.

After I roll over your stupid dog, I'm going to punch you in the face.

Little dogs

Dear Little Dogs,

You have four legs. I have two.

I understand that you're so little and that you get tired easily. But quite frankly, I have enough trouble walking on a regular day. I don't need to carry your puny furry ass everywhere.

Are you worried about getting hurt in the city? Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to stop growing.

This person had the right idea http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com/

Anyway, to be fair, I'm not going to punch a little dog. I'll just roll over it on accident, or something. (sounds more humane)

Did you get my message? No, because my phone sucks

Screw you, stupid phone. Screw you. I got you because you were free with my contract. Okay, that's a lie, I got my phone because it was red, and I have an unhealthy obsession with red accessories.

This is how my conversations go

"Hey, this is the world famous blogger. What's up?"

"Hey, hot stuff. I can't hear a word you're saying because there's this loud buzzing noise."

"Don't worry about it. What time are you coming over? I'm so anxious."

"Can't hear you. Did you get my text?"

"I can that you've been thinking the same thing...(same thing!)"

"Uh, this isn't a Ginuwine song...go back to the 90s"

At any rate, I'm definitely looking to get a brand new phone. Suggestions would be highly recommended.

Asian Girls

We're so cute and innocent. Of COURSE you want to punch us in the face.

For the record, I don't want to punch an Asian girl. They have to be at least 18 in the US.

Fail Whale

Surprise, twitter has gone down AGAIN. So to compensate, they provide us with a picture of a cute happy fail whale.

That's like the equivalent of getting crapped on by a bird, and then someone provides you with an Asian girl to compensate. Yes, it's fun and cute to look at, but the reality is that you just want to punch it in the face.

On a separate note, I'm on twitter. I have much more exciting tidbits about my life posted on there, for example, what I'm watching in the morning, things I want to punch during the day, and what I'm eating for lunch. Jump on the social media bandwagon, everyone!

Blemish be gone!

Zits. Pimples. Blemishes. Those things indicating that your body has entered adulthood.

I have a zit on my cheek. I want to pop it, but then I realized, it would make a great post on thingsiwanttopunch.blogspot.com.

On a separate note, my hair is now brownish.

buzz buzz buzz...(ten minute wait)...buzz buzz buzz

I try so hard to not direct my posts to anyone in particular, but I couldn't help myself.

Dear person who happens to own a blackberry curve and is clearly not a morning person -

Stop setting your alarm for an hour before you actually need to get up. I understand the need for hitting the snooze button, I'm guilty of it too.

Also, why do you even bother setting your alarm for Saturday morning? It just doesn't make sense.

Next time your alarm wakes me up unneccesarily, I'm going to hit you.

Warmly,

Me

Squishy squid eye!

Giant squids - quite possibly the most bad ass of sea animals? No, that goes to the mighty octopus.

Alright, I really don't have a desire to punch a giant squid. If I were ever to engage in a hand-to-tentacle battle with a squid, it would result it epic-hipster-fail.

But! If I ever had a chance to have one free hit, I think I'd go for the eye. Just look at the size of that thing! It's the size of a dinner plate!

Nerf-Herders

First of all, my epic fail of the picture is why I typically draw only stick figures. But I figured I needed to draw his vest. Also, the brown thing on the side is not poo, but Chewy.

Yes, Han Solo is a scoundrel. He's also a bad ass. Even though he got special recognition at the end of the movie, I'm positive Princess SciFi Hair probably gave him a good punch in the face.

Yeah, they probably also did it. Like this picture from Gizmodo. Haha, doing it.

Blackbaud

Yesterday, while waiting for the website editing page to appear, I randomly doodled on my notepad. I'm not a real scientist, but if I were to do an analysis of my drawing, it would have indicated that I have murderous thoughts towards a website company.

Update: Even their own forum knows they suck.

And I would like to thank you for not wanting to punch me in the face while I speak...

I hate unneccessarily long speeches. Why do people have the compulsion to speak longer than necessary?

This is ironic since my background is MUN, and MUNers are prone to being long-winded (and snappy dressers).

At a Model UN event today, I got to hear university students from around the world talk about how awesome the UN, what a great experience the conference will be, and how in their country, this is a great opportunity.

Most people will probably find that awe inspiring, but I'm a jaded American, so I just wondered why these speeches were so long. I kept wanting to find a gavel and tell them their 2 minutes were up and they needed to yield to the chair.

Long speeches: the reason why the UN is ineffective.

No, I am not your baby

First, I'm getting kinda lazy on the posting. I even do these ahead of time! (Well, the ones that are posted at 12:00 PM anyway.)

Many people will agree that terms of endearment are pretty annoying. "Dear", "Honey", "Pumpkin" cause most people to gag.

The WORST names have to be "baby" and "babe".

It's always said by the grossest people. Think about the last person who said "Hey, baby, what's going on?" Yeah, exactly, it's that ugly dude on the seven train. Or that girl who has no business talking to people.

I did have a friend say that babe was the equivalent of calling a guy "dude". I just don't believe it.

Ahh...ahhh....aaaahhcccchoooooo

It's slowly but surely becoming exceptionally nice in the city. After the long winter, everyone excited for some form of sun.

Unfortunately, when the sun comes out, so does the high pollen count.

Allergies have ruined my evenings more than once. Yes, I do take loratadine (the generic man's claritin), but I'm essentially required to take it every spring/summery day.

At least it's not plants uniting and plotting to get rid of mankind. Because, you know, that would be a lame blockbuster movie that I watched with my family on Christmas. And if plants are planning to do that, they should at least take out Paris before New York.

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Not as exciting as St. Patrick's Day, but it's almost as good. This year, I hope to do the right thing and actually go get a margarita instead of a guinness.

Yes, I'm special like that. In 2008, I also went sake bombing on St. Patrick's Day. This is all because I stayed in on New Year's Eve in 2007, and that made me do backwards things for the holidays. Or something.

But yes, today's post is on tequila and its ability to make me want to punch more people. Particularly the person who would give me tequila because it's my least favorite of hard drinks.

(I wouldn't want to punch this bottle of tequila though since it's so festive. Look at its happy little sombrero and maraca. Such a cute, stereotypical bottle of tequila.)

I'd also like to punch Tila Tequila, but I think she would like that.

Who updates all the time?

Yes, I know. I hit myself daily when I don't update.

It doesn't mean that there are things I don't want to punch. It just means that I don't love you.

30 second start up time

I want to punch my laptop.

I have a nifty little netbook. Acer AspireOne to be exact. It used to have a 30 second start up time, but now it is sucking hard.

This is really a plea for someone to fix my laptop.

Queens > Bathroom Break

After many late happy hours in the city, I've taken a more than a few cabs home to Queens. I know the Shaqtus commercial far too well, I'm familar with Sara Gore and her rack, and I know that the greek restaurant on the UWS has moved five blocks away from its original location.

One day, I managed to hail a cab with a female driver. I prompt get inside, close the door, and tell her that I need to get to Queens. She immediately starts squawking, "Oh, NO! Oh, NO! I have to use the bathroom. I can't go the Queens."

"Um...are you serious?"

"Yes, I can't take you to Queens. Get out."

At this point, I immediately think this will turn out to be a great blogger post. I also think that this is another reason why I hate women drivers.

Once you're in a cab, the driver is obligated to take you wherever you need to go within the city limits. Jersey and Nassau County are negotiable with the driver and must be established before the trip begins--I've read those postings in the backseat when taking a cab from JFK to the city. 

Being the wonderful, compassionate person that I am, I held my ground and demanded that she take me to Queens and if not, further up the ave where there are far more cabs. She finally obliged, but not before she continued to bitch and moan about how she really needed to pee.

So, thank you, woman cab driver. I want to punch you in the bladder.

Buy our home security system...or else your kid gets it!

Parents kiss their daughter goodnight and the daughter closes the door and enters the ten-digit code for the alarm. *BAM* A robber breaks through the side-window! The alarm goes off and girl screams! The robber runs away while Brinks Home Security's call center to alert the girl that something happened at her house and calls her parents to come home.

Thank you, Brinks Home Security, for making me feel safe.

And preying on my fears of being robbed AND being a terrible parent for leaving my tween daughter at home alone. I don't even have any children and I feel like terrible parent!

No thank you, Brinks Home Security. I'll be storing all my valuables and collateral with Bernie Madoff. At least I'll be robbed and feel stupid. No terrible parenting for me.

For a bonus punch of excitement, check out their mission and objectives for their employees. Where's the part about helping the people who puchase this system?

It's the same thing, lady

Cashier: What would you like to drink?

Me: Oh, I'll have a 7up

Cashier: We don't have that. *angry silent stare*

*I look over to the counter and see a ridiculous amount of sprite*

Me: Okay...I'll have a sprite.

Cashier: Oh! Okay.

Dear cashier lady at the delicious restaurant in the East Village,

7up and sprite are pretty much the same by most people's standards. Do I really have to specify that I'll take a sprite instead? You probably wouldn't have made this list, except for the fact that you looked sorta dumb.

The jerk at the club

I almost punched someone this weekend. True story.

The picture is NOT a crappy MSpaint drawing, but an accurate photo of the person I almost punched. If you're read the past three posts, you will be able to identify this person as a grade-A hipster.

Ways to identify a hipster:

1) Has the word "ASS" in big red letters above their head;

2) Shitty beard. You know, the kind that Chuck Norris would make fun of except he has a shitty beard too; 

3) Pink polo over a purple polo;

4) Pink polo over a purple polo with the double popped collar.

Long story, super short, this stylish individual cut in line at a club after a large group of people politely waited in line. I was hoping that he'd at least have a large group of hotties waiting for him, but no. It was more of my favorite people.

stop lights

Damn you, you stop light! Turn green, turn green, turn green, turn green, GREEN DAMNIT! TURN GREEN!

Even the red lights in the subway system deserves a good punching. Signal problems on the seven train? It's probably a stop light's fault.

(I know, the green light below is jacked up.)

Hipsters

Don't lie to yourself. Every time you're at 14th street and below, you want to punch one.

This is really not fair for me to list this as something I want to punch. At least koalas would be able to defend themselves. Hipsters just ask for it.

Koalas

They're cute and cuddy and they get high on eucalyptus leaves. They're also known as mean little bitches that take baths and drink from bottled water. I'll bet you the koala didn't even recycle. Jerk.

Why do I want to punch a koala? It's probably because I'm a terrible person with anger issues. That, or I really liked this super bowl commercial by careerbuilder.com